Let me ask you a painful question: out of the hundreds of friends in your phone, when you run into trouble, how many will actually reach out to help?
The poorer you are, the more friends you have around you—but the help these friends provide for your life is roughly zero, and even worse, it’s negative.
The essence of socializing is exchange.
There was a study that followed hundreds of job seekers. The result: 84% of them relied not on close friends they saw every day, but on acquaintances they only nodded to every six months.
Why? The guys who drink with you every day have information that overlaps heavily with yours—they know what you know. But people from different circles have things in their hands that you can’t reach.
So remember: networking isn’t about how many people you know, it’s about what you can exchange with them.
You just graduated. At a dinner party you meet a big shot. You send ten messages and they reply to one—that isn’t networking, that’s admiration. But if, by luck, you happen to be good at making short videos and their company happens to need that, then the relationship instantly changes.
No value, no connection.
Low-level networking is toxic.
There was a young guy who sold products. Every day he went串串 with his coworkers and said, “Brothers, we’re rock solid.” Later he wanted to switch jobs and ask them for internal referrals—but none of them could help. It wasn’t that they weren’t willing; they simply couldn’t. They were all mud buddhas crossing the river themselves.
You think you’re making friends—you’re actually finding fellow sufferers.
Low-level networking locks in your thinking. When a bunch of people get together, they always end up talking about which supermarket is cheaper and which boss is stingy. After it’s over, you gain nothing but a belly full of complaints. It’s like flailing around in a small puddle, thinking you’re swimming fast—without even realizing there’s an ocean out there.
Next time someone invites you to dinner, ask yourself: after the meal, do you feel more driven—or more dejected?
There’s always an exchange behind a benefactor.
There are no benefactors with no reason. In those years, Duan Yongping brought Huang Zheng to meet Buffett because he saw that Huang Zheng had already proven himself at Google. If you’re not that kind of talent, there’s no seat for you at a benefactor’s table.
Think about it from another angle: when you become successful, you’ll be able to choose between a young person who can actually help and someone who only knows how to say “let me bring you along”—who would you help?
What people call a benefactor is the early payout of your life value.
If you have nothing now, what should you do?
💡 Three suggestions:
1. Deep focus on a vertical area
Pick a field and grind until you’re in the top 10%. Turn your PPT into the best in the whole company—people who need you will naturally come looking for you. Passive networking is a hundred times more effective than active networking.
2. Put value first
If you want to meet impressive people, don’t start by saying “I need you to take me along.” First figure out where they’re stuck, and use your skills to solve a small problem for them. Only after you pass something to them first will they remember you.
3. Spend money to enter the circle
Pay a few thousand yuan to take a course, and you’ll meet people who are willing to invest in themselves. Spend a few thousand yuan to attend an industry event, and you’ll meet real practitioners. This isn’t consumption—it’s the only entry ticket you can currently afford.
What opportunities did these big shots get in exchange for?
Sure, someone won’t agree: When Jack Ma, Liu Qiangdong, and Yu Minhong started out, weren’t they also ordinary people?
Yes—but you should look at what they’re holding in their hands.
Jack Ma relied on top-tier English translation skills in Hangzhou and a reliable reputation. That’s why foreign partners were willing to pay and partner with him.
Liu Qiangdong relied on doing what others wouldn’t dare to do. He insisted on selling only genuine products and kept issuing invoices at the counter—he bought trust with profit.
Yu Minhong relied on pushing GRE vocabulary and teaching practice to the top tier. Students lined up to enroll, and the first batch of students all came through word of mouth.
See the common thread? Starting from ordinary circumstances, three people still managed to do the work in their hands to a level that others can’t replace. Ability, trust, reputation—what seems worthless in day-to-day life becomes the ticket to the big table when opportunities arrive.
No one is chosen out of nowhere by a benefactor. What a benefactor chooses is always the chips you’ve already shown on the table.
So there’s no such thing as “no real networking at the low level.” It’s not asking you to lie flat—it’s asking you to stay clear-headed:
Don’t waste time on dinner parties that only drain each other. Don’t count on meeting someone who can save you. First, train the work you have in hand until no one can replace it.
If you have value, the door will open. Rather than waiting for a benefactor, turn yourself into someone other people are willing to exchange with.