VALENnn__

In the grand tradition of over simplifying complex things, there exists the holy grail of investing advice: "buy low, hold, sell high, repeat." It’s a mantra passed down from ancient times , and it sounds like something a time traveler from the year 2035 whispered into the ear of Warren Buffett. Except, here’s the catch: it’s absurdly hard, and nobody actually knows how to do it.
Let’s break this magical four-step plan down into the chaotic nonsense it really is.
Step 1: Buy Low(Or, “When’s low? Asking for a friend”😅)
Ah, buying low—the cornerstone of the strategy. If only someone would give us a flashing neon sign that screams, “THIS IS THE LOW, BUY NOW!” Instead, what happens is this: Bitcoin drops from $104k to $98.6k, and you think, “This is the dip! I’m a financial wizard!” So you buy in, chest puffed up with pride.
Then, like suisse clock, it plummets to $92k the next morning. You stare at your screen, sweating, refreshing charts like a degenerate gambler checking a horse race. You say to yourself, “It’s fine. I’ll just dollar-cost average.” Spoiler: this is trader-speak for “I’ve made a mistake, but I’m doubling down because quitting is for losers.”
Step 2: Hold (AKA “Welcome to the emotional torture chamber”)
“Holding” is a deceptive term. It sounds passive, like you’re just sitting on your hands while your wealth multiplies. Nope. Holding is a psychological deathmatch where you battle the urge to sell every five seconds.
During this phase, your portfolio becomes a volatile creature, going up and down like it’s possessed. One moment you’re a genius; the next, you’re googling “Can you get a refund on crypto?” You try not to panic as Bitcoin stumbles, Solana craters, and your cousin Chad keeps texting, “Is now a good time to sell? Asking for a friend lol.” Thanks, Chad. Super helpful.
Step 3: Sell High (Better known as “the unicorn of financial goals”)
Now comes the mythical part: selling high. Theoretically, it’s simple. Realistically, it’s like trying to hit a piñata blindfolded while it’s on fire and you’re standing in a hurricane.
Here’s how it usually goes: you think you’ve nailed it, selling at $98k, only to watch it climb to $104k ten minutes later. Meanwhile, Twitter is full of smug traders posting screenshots of their sell orders at the exact peak. You curse the algorithm, the whales, the market makers, and possibly your horoscope for not warning you.
Or worse, you don’t sell because you’re convinced it’ll go higher. Then, it tanks overnight, and now you’re holding a bag heavier than your student loans.
Step 4: Repeat (Because you clearly didn’t learn the first time)
After the rollercoaster of emotions, you’d think you’d sit out the next round, right? Wrong!! Instead, you dive back in, telling yourself, “This time, I’ve learned my lesson.” No, you haven’t. You’re about to FOMO into another meme coin because some influencer called it “the next big thing.” Three hours later, it’s down 95%, and you’re asking yourself why you didn’t just invest in index funds like a normal person.
Why Do We Do This?
Why do we torture ourselves with this madness? Because, deep down, we all secretly believe we’re one trade away from yachts, Lambos, and tweeting inspirational crypto quotes like, “I believed in myself, and now I’m free.” Never mind that the reality is closer to “I panic-sold at the bottom and cried into my ramen noodles.”
Final Thoughts (Not that you’ll listen)
If you’re going to follow the "buy low, hold, sell high" mantra, at least go in with your eyes wide open. You won’t always time it right, you’ll make mistakes, and Chad will always have an opinion. But hey, worst case? You’ll have some hilarious stories to share when you inevitably end up back at your day job. Just remember: if it all goes wrong, there’s always farming.
#MarketPullback
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