经济哲学的数学原理

Living is so tiring, I can't find the meaning of life 😭❗

I haven't achieved my goal of earning 2000 yuan per day, and I've been losing money these past few days. There's no way I can repay the loan. I thought about being honest with my parents, but it only resulted in a scolding.

My mom said the family has no money left, not even enough to pay for medical treatment, and there's nowhere to borrow money from. Relatives and neighbors are avoiding us, afraid we'll ask to borrow money. My sister bought some tea for my dad, but when she got home, she didn't even dare to sit for a while; she hurriedly left after delivering the tea. My mom thinks my sister is also afraid of being asked to lend money.

My mom said she and my dad are getting older and it's no longer suitable for them to go out and work for money. She hasn't been feeling well lately, often having stomach bloating, and has taken more than ten doses of traditional Chinese medicine. My dad isn't in good health either; a few days ago, he felt dizzy and went to the hospital for an examination, which cost over a thousand yuan for medication. The weather has been dry, and the crop yield is poor. They only have 2.3 acres of hawthorn and Sichuan pepper, which won't sell for much.

My mom criticizes me for being useless, living in debt, and complains that I don't go work with the people from the village, saying they earn over ten thousand a month with food and accommodation provided. She complains that I'm old enough and have neither settled down nor found a girlfriend, making me feel worthless. I feel embarrassed in the village and don't even want to go out.

Sigh ❗ She's right, but so what? ❓
I don't know how much longer I can continue trading. This world isn't as good as I imagined. I can't find the meaning of my life. Forget about my family not understanding; even among my peers in trading, very few can relate to me.

Honestly, it's all my fault for being incompetent. I've encountered many great opportunities in trading, but I've failed to seize them again and again. I'm eager to profit yet afraid of losing. When I see a good opportunity, I want to grab it tightly, but when I jump in, I fear hitting the stop loss. If I stop loss, it’s easy to get emotional, and it goes in circles.

I feel like my only way out is through trading. If trading doesn't work out, other industries are even harder. I'm not good with words, don't like socializing, and dislike entertaining guests, so I can't run a physical business or work. I've already prepared myself to be single for life, and I've lost the person I loved. There's a girl I've liked for 13 years, but she already has a boyfriend.

Accomplishing nothing, I don't deserve love. Life is just a few decades long, and living like this is so exhausting. What is it all for? ❓❓