AI detection tools are fundamentally broken and causing actual damage. These systems flag legitimate human writing as AI-generated with absurdly high false positive rates—students getting falsely accused of cheating, writers losing gigs, researchers having papers rejected. The technical reality: these detectors rely on probabilistic pattern matching that can't reliably distinguish between coherent human text and LLM output, especially as models improve. Worse, they're easily gamed (add typos, rephrase awkwardly) while punishing non-native English speakers and neurodiverse writers whose natural patterns trigger false flags. The entire detection industry is selling snake oil while universities and employers make life-altering decisions based on unreliable scores. We're criminalizing writing styles instead of adapting to the tooling shift.