Bossu

We've all seen the "how to get rich" guides. This is the other one. The one we don't talk about at parties after it's happened.

1. Believe Every "Guaranteed" Thing You Read on the Internet.
This is rule number one. Your primary source of investment advice should be:
The guy on X/Twitter with a cartoon animal profile picture and a name like "CryptoGuru420" who says "THIS IS THE NEXT 1000x GEM!!! #ETH #BTC" at 3 AM.
The random DM you get from a "support agent" asking for your seed phrase to "secure your wallet."
The YouTube video with a shocked face and red arrows pointing to the moon, sponsored by a project that hasn't written a single line of code yet.
If it promises guaranteed returns, it's guaranteed to take your money.

2. Embrace FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) With Your Entire Soul
See a coin that's already gone up 300% in a day? This is your moment! Do not stop to think why it went up. Do not research what the project even does. Just slam that "buy" button at the absolute peak of the hype cycle. The goal is to buy high. This is crucial for the next step.

3. Master the Art of Panic Selling (Buy High, Sell Low)
So, you bought that coin at its peak. Inevitably, it drops 40% the next day. This is not a normal market correction; it is a sign of the apocalypse. Your stomach will sink. You'll picture your money vanishing into a digital void. You must immediately sell everything at a massive loss to stop the pain. Congratulations, you've just crystallized your loss and provided some lucky soul with cheap coins. This is the classic "weak hand" maneuver.

4. Never, Ever Secure Your Stuff
Security is for nerds and people who like having money.
Leave your life savings on a major exchange that everyone is making jokes about being unstable. They'd never get hacked or freeze withdrawals, right?
Take a screenshot of your wallet's 12-word recovery phrase and save it to your iCloud or Google Photos. What could go wrong?
Click on every airdrop link and connect your wallet to every shiny new website that promises free tokens. Free money! It's not a scam to drain your wallet, it's a generous gift!

5. Put All Your Eggs in One Basketlabelled "Meme"
Diversification is a boring strategy for people who want to preserve wealth. You're here to lose it! Find a coin with a dog, a frog, or a political figure on it. One that has no purpose other than being a meme. Then, YOLO your entire paycheck, rent money, and maybe even take out a small loan to really go all in. When the founders inevitably dump their coins and the hype dies, you'll be left holding a very expensive bag of nothing.

6. Become a Full-Time Day Trader (Without a Clue)
You've watched The Big Short once, so you're basically an expert. Now, spend 18 hours a day staring at candlestick charts, trying to outsmart algorithms and institutional whales. The stress, combined with trading fees, will steadily drain your account faster than a steady downturn ever could. You'll lose money on the way up, on the way down, and when the market moves sideways.

7. Chase "The Next Big Thing" in ICOs and IDOs
Initial Coin Offerings (ICOs) or Exchange Offerings (IEOs/IDOs) are fantastic places to lose money. These projects have fantastic whitepapers filled with words like "blockchain," "AI," "metaverse," and "decentralized" in sentences that don't actually make sense. The goal is to give them your solid, established crypto (like ETH or BTC) in exchange for their new, untested token that will almost certainly be worthless in 6 months.

8. Invest Money You Absolutely Cannot Afford to Lose
This is the master stroke. The pièce de résistance.
You need that money for rent? For groceries? For your kid's braces? Perfect. That's the exact amount you should convert into crypto. The psychological pressure will be immense, ensuring you make every single emotional decision listed above. The potential for life-altering financial pain is not a risk; it's the goal.

In All Seriousness Though...
If you want to not lose money, just do the opposite of everything above. Do your own research, invest only what you can afford to lose, use cold storage for large amounts, think long-term, and never, ever invest based on fear or greed.
But if your goal is to turn your cryptocurrency into a cryptocurrency of tears, then by all means, follow this guide to the letter. You'll be broke, but you'll have some stellar anecdotes for your therapist.
#BinanceHODLerPLUME #ETHInstitutionalFlows $BTC