Let’s flip the switch to maximum irony and revisit the immigration policy basics that the 45th (and 47th) president loves to discuss. If we play by the rules of "zero tolerance," I have a few questions for the guy from Mar-a-Lago.
The Great Wall... around Trump Tower? 🏰
Donald Trump is the grandson of Friedrich Trump, who fled Bavaria in 1885 to dodge military service. Technically, Grandpa was your textbook "economic migrant." He arrived with empty pockets, cut beards in New York, and fed gold prospectors.
A satirical horror scenario:
Imagine a morning in Palm Beach. ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agents kick down a gold-plated door and read Donald his own executive orders.
Charge #1: "Your ancestor was a draft dodger in Germany."
Charge #2: "Your mother arrived from Scotland with $50 in her pocket."
Verdict: Deportation to Kallstadt, Germany.
"It’s going to be the biggest, most beautiful deportation in history. The Germans will say, 'Donald, we haven't seen this kind of scale since the Berlin Wall!'" — that’s roughly how his farewell tweet might sound.
Smart Money vs. "The Newcomers" 🧠💸
From a Smart Money perspective, Trump is the ultimate example of how migration builds empires. But from the perspective of the "angry crowd" he incites, anyone whose last name doesn't sound like "Smith" and whose ancestors didn't arrive on the Mayflower is under suspicion.
The Paradox:
Trump the Patriot: Calls for purging America of "outsiders."
Trump the Reality: His own family tree is literally a map of European migration routes.
If the logic of "America for Americans" worked retrospectively, only Indigenous peoples would be left in the US, and Donald would currently be livestreaming from a Bavarian beer hall, complaining about the poor quality of sausages and the lack of gold toilets in the local city hall.
The Bottom Line: Will he be deported? ✈️
Of course not. That’s the punchline of the system: a third-generation migrant is a "true American," while a first-generation migrant is a "national security threat." The border isn't defined by a passport; it's defined by the date your grandfather arrived at Ellis Island.
What do you think? Should we double-check Friedrich Trump’s 1885 visa, or should we leave the old man alone until he finishes building a wall around his golf club? 👇
