The Mutual Redemption of the Provider

Recently, I came across the provider on a certain platform, and I feel like the provider is like a white knight. I am very lucky; I have met one before who really asked for nothing in return, just wanted me to be well. He was truly very kind. At that time, I was obsessed with trading cryptocurrencies and feeling down, really a terrible person. He didn't despise me and kept getting closer to me. It was I who drove him away. More than a year has passed, and I haven't forgotten. I have never forgotten the precious kindness he showed me. I am still not in a position to give back anything truly, but the kindness I owe, I will definitely repay it double.

I am truly grateful that someone would cross the sea of people to love a person like me. I will not give up; I will become a capable person so that everyone who has helped me knows that I won’t let them down.

Back to the present, yesterday, I couldn't rank up in the game and matched with a very skilled jungler. I didn't want to spend money on a companion, so I kept trying to connect with him, added him as a friend, hoping to get him to carry me for free. I didn't know his age until our chat revealed he was only fifteen. I was shocked. I'm 25, ten years older than him. Would he think I’m too old? I was very nervous, worried that I wouldn’t be able to get carried for free.

During our conversation, he talked about his family. His father passed away early, and his mother raised him alone. At that moment, I felt a bit uncomfortable. I shouldn’t be trying to get something for free from a child who isn’t having an easy life. I thought of my teenage years, also confused yet full of passion. In him, I could think of that innocent and carefree teenage age, summer afternoons, cicadas singing, floral scents. I would watch outside the window during class, sunlight streaming through my face, so warm. That time, which I can never return to.

I hope I can make his life a little happier, with no ulterior motives. I hope to be his provider for a day, while also allowing him to feel loved, and at the same time redeem this failed self of mine. A few dozen bucks, at my age, others would only think I’m stingy. I can only find that I’m not that bad through him. I seem to have a bit more money than a child. I can make him happy; I’m not such a useless waste after all.

Once, I thought my life needed to keep rushing to gain things, but looking back, I realized I also need to relive my past through a child.