When I was three years old, my father passed away, my mother ran away, the house was empty, and the sky collapsed; my nightmare began.

Fifteen years old, dropped out of school and walked to the fields with a hoe, the heavy farm work exhausted me physically and mentally, in that moment I made up my mind to succeed;

Sixteen years old, went to work at a brick kiln with relatives, used a month and a half of wages to buy my first smartphone;

Seventeen years old, got addicted to online gambling while working in a hair salon, obsessed with lottery games, lost everything and went back to the factory;

Eighteen years old, working as a waitress in a restaurant, tricked by colleagues into a Ponzi scheme, after losing everything, I went back to the factory;

Nineteen years old, learning Java programming, but caught a glimpse of the illusion of Bitcoin during breaks in the code — at that time, I thought it was my first 'opportunity' in life.

At twenty, I jumped into the deep waters of the crypto market with all the savings I had earned from working.

At twenty-one, when the NFT wave hit, watching digital images sell for sky-high prices, I was convinced I hadn't made the wrong choice— 'This is my way out'— this thought became even more steadfast, giving meaning to all past sufferings.

At twenty-two, I witnessed the madness of NFTs, experienced the thrill of contracts, and went through the '519' liquidation— in fifteen minutes, the K-line plummeted vertically, my account went to zero, and I was left in debt. It felt as if fate had already written this ending, only mercifully allowing me to dream for two more years; that day I slept for a long, long time, afraid to wake up, scared to face liquidation messages and impending overdue loans.

At twenty-three, after a liquidation, I felt despondent, unable to pick myself up, slept in parks, opened blind boxes, was a top performer, lived off scraps waiting for death, and aimlessly drifted. Later, I confessed to my family, decided to turn over a new leaf, and start anew.

At twenty-four, I paid off my last foreign debt, but I haven't resolved the resentment in my heart. In the two years after settling my debts, I repeated the same action on the assembly line thousands of times; during the day, I was part of a machine, and at night I was a gambler waiting for miracles in front of my phone screen.

Two years of struggle were just a series of repeating the same mistakes: getting paid, going all in, liquidating, quitting gambling, and then doing it all over again.

Many people ask me why I am so obsessed, and it’s because I am not willing to accept my fate. I am unwilling to lose my youth, unwilling to live a life I cannot attain, wondering why I have to live a hard life, why I must always be dependent on others? I hate poverty, I hate living with no hope; no one wants a comeback more than I do, and I vow to rise above.

But I failed; what I lost was not just money, but several years of youth and the dignity I could no longer hold my head up high with. Looking back at the first half of my life, I have lost everything. I am a failure, unable to keep love, family, or friendship; from the moment I took the wrong step, it was doomed to be a total loss.

The crypto world gave me the most splendid dream and also the most complete shattering. Now, the dream is over. I no longer believe in that unrealistic crypto comeback dream, nor do I want to turn my life into a gamble of win or lose. I can lose a game, but I cannot lose my entire life; losing in the past means accepting the loss and letting go of obsessions and regrets.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know that from today on, I need to learn to do one very simple thing— to take good care of myself, who has not been well taken care of since the age of three. The worst starting point is already behind me, and I am still standing here.

My crypto life ends here.