Crypto Chronicles: SBF's Jailhouse Diaries 🚨

- Former FTX CEO's life behind bars: from legal weights to makeshift gym 💪
- WiFi connection lost, much like his credibility 📉
- Jailhouse vegan woes: SBF resorts to peanut butter sandwiches 🥪
- Desperate texts to Caroline fall on deaf ears 📱
- Clean shave for a dirty game, but too little, too late? 🪒
- Suited up but nowhere to hide 🕴️
- In this game, there's no respawning like in League of Legends 🎮

*This news flash is a work of fiction and should not be taken literally.