Chapter 4: The helping hand of my brother is the light of my rebirth
On April 26, 2023, my account was completely zeroed out. Sitting by the window of my rental room, watching the bustling traffic outside, my mind was full of thoughts like "How to create an accident, so I could get a large sum of money to pay off debts + support my parents, leaving without worries." But the insurance hasn't taken effect yet, so I can only wait.
I live each day in a daze, staring blankly at the screen while at work, and hiding in my rental room after work, not even wanting to turn on the lights.
Mom sent a message from my hometown, saying "The loquats are ripe, are you coming back this May Day?" It was then that I remembered it would soon be May, the season when loquats ripen, and also the time when the weather is the most beautiful. Thinking of this made me tear up; how nice it would be to live a stable life without debt. I stared at the message and took a long time to reply, "Busy, maybe next year"—how could I face them? How would I explain to my parents that 1,000,000 in debt is an astronomical figure?
That afternoon, I wanted to buy U and take a gamble again, so I contacted a B trader named Lao Zhou in a cryptocurrency group. I said, 'I want to go all in; I might need a lot of U later,' but he didn't agree right away. Instead, he asked me, 'Brother, why do you want to go all in? What if you lose?'
I was taken aback, talking about my experiences with a stranger for the first time — from growing oranges in the countryside to becoming a programmer in Hangzhou, borrowing online loans to trade cryptocurrencies and losing 1 million, breaking up with my girlfriend, and thinking about ending it all with an accident insurance. I thought he would laugh at me, but he just sighed and said, 'I lost 2 million in 2021, worse than you; at that time, I also thought about giving up, but looking at the kids at home, I still gritted my teeth and persevered. I slowly started doing spot trading, and now I have managed to pull through. As long as you are alive, there is hope, but don’t do anything silly.'
His voice was steady, like the hot tea in the teahouse back home, rushing into my heart filled with despair, warm and cozy. I held my phone, tears fell again, not because I was sad, but because someone was willing to say these words to me, reminding me not to seek a shortcut to end it all. Lao Zhou told me not to borrow from online loans anymore, to buy U with the only 5000 I had left, and to follow him in trading, 'Take it easy, don't rush, things will get better eventually.'
On April 29, Lao Zhou told me, 'ETH can be bought now.' Following his advice, I adjusted the leverage to 5 times and opened a 30% position. Before long, ETH rose from 3140 to 3170, and I made 142 U. Looking at the numbers in my account, I suddenly felt that maybe there was still a turnaround for my life — no matter how cold winter is, spring will always come.
That night, I opened a live streaming software and chose a name called 'Paving the Future.' I faced the camera, my voice a bit shaky, and said, 'I made many mistakes in the past; I came out from the countryside, lost 1 million in crypto, broke up with my girlfriend, and even bought accident insurance... I hope my experiences can help everyone; don’t end up in debt like me.' There were only a few viewers in the live stream room; someone sent a bullet comment saying, 'Keep it up, things will get better,' while another said, 'Brother, don’t give up; at worst, go back to the countryside; there will always be food to eat.'
I looked at those bullet comments and smiled — this was the first time I smiled after the breakup.
The rain outside had stopped, and the moonlight shone through the window onto the floor. I took out a photo from my wallet; Lin Yu's smile under Goddess Peak was very clear. I whispered, 'Lin Yu, I will work hard to be better, whether you can see it or not; Mom and Dad, I will also be good, and I will definitely take you out of the mountains in the future — if I settle in Wushan later, I will open a hot pot restaurant, and we can all be together, lively and cheerful.'
I turned off the live stream and opened the trading software. I no longer thought about 'going all in' or 'quickly recovering my losses'; I wanted to take it slow, step by step, slowly make up for what I had lost before, just like when I learned to code, improving a bit every day, accumulating little by little. Even if the road is difficult, I will keep going for myself and for my family; being alive means there is hope.
