$LAPTOP PROJECT REVIEW | No Bias, Only Receipts
A meme coin printed a $401B FDV on launch day, while the pool behind it held less than $50K.
48 hours later: $352M FDV. That's -99.91%. 🤡
What is $LAPTOP?
▶️ Meme coin launched on Base on Sept 9, 2026
▶️ Issued by Phoenix Veritas Foundation, fronted by Hunter Biden
▶️ Named after the laptop story that has lived in headlines since 2020
▶️ Official docs say: no utility, no ownership rights, no voting, no yield, no profit share
The most honest part of this launch was the disclaimer.
Tokenomics (1B supply, 350M circulating)
➡️ Founders: 30% (6-month lock, then 24 months vesting)
➡️ Prediction pool: 30% (burned or sent to charity based on 30 real-world events)
➡️ Day-one airdrop: 10% (8% to Substack subscribers, 2% to TRUMP coin losers)
➡️ Future airdrop: 10% (at the foundation's discretion)
➡️ Liquidity: 10%
➡️ Foundation treasury: 5%
➡️ Charity: 5%
Founders 30%, plus a "whenever we decide" airdrop of 10%, plus a 5% treasury. That's 45% of supply sitting with the team or at the team's discretion, for a coin sold as community payback.
Price Journey:
➡️ Opened at ~$37.26
➡️ ATH: $401.12 ($401B FDV on paper)
➡️ Dumped to ~$3.70 within the first hour
➡️ New ATL: $0.3378 on Sept 11
➡️ Last 24h range: $0.3378 to $0.6925, cut in half in a single day
Today:
➡️ Price: $0.3528
➡️ Market cap: $123.51M (-41.68% in 24h)
➡️ FDV: $352.88M
➡️ 24h volume: $16.99M (-63.54%)
➡️ Holders: 31.54K
➡️ Rank: #240
➡️ Down 99.91% from ATH
Liquidity Check:
➡️ Total liquidity: ~$2.06M (just 1.67% of market cap)
➡️ Kraken: only $4,901 of buy orders within 2% below price
➡️ KuCoin: $34,304 of buy orders within 2% below price
➡️ KuCoin alone carries 43.79% of all volume
$352M valuation, and a $5K sell can move Kraken's price 2%. Volume is down 63% in a day too. The hype is logging off.
On-Chain Receipts:
➡️ ~23M tokens (2.3% of supply) sent to market makers: GSR 15.5M, G20 5M, Wintermute 2.5M
➡️ GSR received its tokens 4 days before trading opened
➡️ 14.5M tokens went to an unlabeled wallet ~2 hours before launch
➡️ Wintermute-tagged wallet sold ~466K tokens for ~$2.08M at an average of $4.47
➡️ ~80% of traders ended in loss
➡️ One wallet put in $200K near $218, worth ~$3K hours later
➡️ One early wallet bought at $0.40 and exited for $250K+ (278x)
Today's price of $0.35 is below that luckiest wallet's $0.40 entry.
The Fair Side:
✅ Tokenomics were published before launch
✅ Founder tokens locked in Coinbase Custody (per team)
✅ No presale, no VC round, no influencer allocations (per team)
✅ Liquidity is now ~$2M, up from under $50K at launch
✅ Market maker allocations are standard practice, and MM selling is not automatically dumping
✅ Hunter says the team sold nothing and he personally made $0
But "nobody sold" got a Community Note on X, because market maker tokens are not founder tokens.
The Circus:
➡️ Before launch, Kraken deleted its promo post after user backlash
➡️ Channel 5 publicly distanced itself after its mailing list was named in the distribution plan
➡️ X suspended the foundation's account hours after the crash
➡️ The team moved to Medium and blamed sniper bots and thin liquidity
Blaming bots for a sub-$50K pool is like leaving your shop open overnight and blaming the wind. Bots snipe thin pools every single day. That's not bad luck, that's bad planning.
Irony Meter 🤣
👉 Built partly to compensate TRUMP coin losers, it created a fresh batch of LAPTOP losers within the first hour
👉 One of the 30 burn events was flipping TRUMP's market cap, and it did, for a few hours
👉 Founders' locked 300M tokens were worth $120B on paper at ATH. Today they're worth ~$106M.
👉 Some laptops store data. This one stored losses.
Risk Check:
🔴 Founder unlocks start around March 2027: 12.5M tokens every month for 24 months
🔴 At today's price, one month of unlocks (~$4.4M) is about 2x the entire current liquidity
🔴 10% future airdrop at the foundation's discretion is supply overhang
🔴 Zero utility means price runs on attention only, and volume is already fading
🔴 Copycat LAPTOP tokens are live on Solana and other chains. The official contract is on Base, starting 0xB095 and ending b6ec29. Verify the full address on CMC before buying anything.
CryptoPatel Verdict:
Concept virality: ✅
Tokenomics transparency: ✅
Launch execution: ❌
Liquidity planning: ❌
Utility: ❌ (zero, by design)
Communication: ❌
Risk level: EXTREME 🔴
Rating: 2/10. One point for honest docs, one point for entertainment.
Lesson for my CryptoPatel Family 👇
👉 Launch FDV is a number, not money. Check liquidity and order book depth before you look at valuation.
👉 Never ape the first candle of any celebrity or political coin.
👉 Watch who receives tokens before you can buy.
👉 Verify the contract address. Fakes launch within minutes.
👉 Never hold too much, book profit, and never fall in love with any coin.
$401B on paper. A $5K sell moves the price. The chart did the math.
Educational Only. Not Financial Advice. ALWAYS DYOR.